blessings

O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need of further grace. O God, the triune, God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made thirsty still. Begin in mercy a new work of live within me. Say to my soul, "Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away." Then give me grace to rise up and follow Thee up from the misty lowland where I have wandered so long. In Jesus' name. Amen. A.W. Tozer

To say the last weeks have been rough would be a major understatement. We had a leak a few months back and finally had the company scheduled to come out and start the renovation and installment of floors in our home.

We had a hardwood flooring guy and tile company come out and sadly we will have to have our hardwood floors redone. Long story...for another day.

I remember when the leak from our fridge happened and we filed a claim with insurance; I was praying that God would use this for his glory and bring unseen blessings from it.

What I really meant was earthly blessings; new tile, new floors, upgrades, etc. Selfish, right!

Little did I know that this would be the most challenging season thus far in parenting and marriage. The flooring company really stressed me out, which in turn, made me stressed as a mommy and wife. I was on edge with Chris and felt exhausted with Elaina. Nothing they did, it all had to do with how I responded to the situation and let the little things control me, while I tried to control them!

I think sometimes as believers we want to experience the blessings from God in the earthly sense- more money, nicer things,  better job promotion, more friends, the list goes on. I don't usually (what I realized) ask God for spiritual blessings; a greater love for people, more patience, a heavenly perspective on my circumstances,  a servant heart (that's joyful!).

During this past week God really challenged me to see that through this process I can grow in my spirit by trusting the earthly things to him and seeing how even struggles; bad flooring company, 4 days in a horrible hotel, stress from Elaina not sleeping well, Chris and I on edge,  needing to be in control, can bring a greater depth to my heart and relationship with Jesus. It makes me rely on him more.

I know that God wants to bless me. Sometimes, maybe most of the time, he wants those blessings to be my heart knowing him more and becoming more like Christ. The earthly blessings are just a huge bonus and a way to trust him more! When we struggle its a chance to grow our hearts and becoming more heavenly/kingdom focused. We can use those times to become more attuned to Christ and his work. I don't want the good earthly blessings to cloud the opportunity for spiritual blessings, even if those blessings come through struggle. Usually I want spiritual blessings that come from joy and happiness!