As I look ahead as to what I hope for my children I cant help but know, and feel called by God to have my child's heart, not just their obedience.
One scripture I think on often is Romans 2:4: "Don't you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can't you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?"
As parents we have the power to shame our kids from a very young age. We make statements such as:
Why cant you be more like....
What is wrong with you....
You ALWAYS do that, when will you lean....
You embarrassed me....
You make me angry....
The way we treat our kids is the way they will think God views them, thinks of them and ultimately if he loves or doesn't love them. When in truth, he loves them and is working to kindly lead each one to himself.
We have a choice to bring blessings or curses onto our children. Let what we say about them, to them and behind their back be what we hope of them!
A statistic from church service the other day said, 1 out of 10 comments in Christian homes, towards children, are negative.
As parents who hope to change out children's bad behavior, for fear of embarrassment, fear they will "always be like that", or feeling disrespected; shaming a child will work for a little while but the deep seeds we plant will be there forever.
We need to look at our kids and focus on a changed heart that leads to obedience. Through kindness, patience (TIME!), maturity, this can be accomplished.
I want my babies to be good because they are loved, not loved them because they are good. How can I be kind and lead them into better attitudes and behaviors. All of which comes from their heart.
A great article shares this exact idea. The people of the bible are painted in a light that they are not human, they don't make mistakes and that God's loves "good little girls and boys".
Joseph was a good little boy (unlike his “bad” brothers), and God made him Prime Minister of Egypt. So be good like Joseph.
David had a pure heart (unlike his brothers), and God made him King of Israel. So have a pure heart like David.
Esther was an obedient girl. God made her Queen of Persia and she saved God’s people. So be obedient like Esther.
We forget that David was a murdered, Esther was an adulterer, Abraham was an idol worshiper.
Luke 6:45 A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.
How do we bring forth the goodness in our kids. What goes into our kids heart is what motivates their actions, words and behaviors, and most importantly their thoughts behind it all.
If our kids are struggling lets be honest about our struggles. "Mommy is having a hard time too, God is asking her to be more patient and its a lot of work growing", "I am working on my attitude too", "You're not done, God is still growing you"
I know I felt shame growing up. I don't think my parents ever intentionally meant that, but I did. I felt like I had to do the check list and be like my sister. As our kids make mistakes may we connect with the deeper heart issue (foolish child who doesn't know better or conscious defiance) and help them as they work to change their behaviors.
I want my kids to know that their uniqueness is designed by God and I am always on their side to help them grow into the person he made them to be. How can I be kind and loving towards their mistakes and disobedience as they grow & mature?
God loves you, nothing you do will change that.
God is committed to your good.
God does not treat us as our sins deserve.
You are not done, God is still working on you.
If we as mothers and fathers don't believe this, how can we pass it along to our kiddos?
We love him, because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19
