Me

 

Me

 

By: Plumb

 

 

I haven't had
A chance to sleep
And when I wake
I wake with your dreams
I guess my pillow
Holds some kind of key
To your peace
Your peace

Me
I wouldn't trade your love for all the candy
In this great big world
Me
I feel so crazy blessed and oh so lucky
To be the place you go
When you need to feel safe
When you need a kiss
It's me

 

 

Well this last night was probably the first night where I wanted to sleep so much, but couldn't. One my mind was racing about the past few days, I started work and then my sweet little one was up a lot.

I am grateful that on nights where I am up till 3 and then up every 2 hours after that  I can nap and rest. Luckily today, an 1 hour nap gave me energy to work, clean and do laundry.
Before I had E, I decided that I would welcome night wakings and understand that parenting is an all hours gig: morning, noon, night, and wee hours of the night! Sometimes I find myself so exhausted and clinging to my pillow, praying she is just readjusting before I go care for her. I see her smiley face and I forget what I was doing 20 seconds ago.

What she needed was me. Me to feed her, me to rock her, me to change her and sometimes me to play with her. I am okay with her needing me. Most of the time I am able to give at every innocent, baby demand and quickly care for her needs. But, me, like most moms have days when its just a bit harder or takes a little more will power (Holy Spirit Power) to be selfless and give. No one tells you that you dont get praised or affirmed for all that  you do as a mom. No one thanks you for changing that poopy diaper for the 3rd time in 5 minutes or for sprinting to make a meal bc baby didnt stay on 'schedule' and hubby will be home in 30 minutes, no one days I really like the way you folded those cloth diapers! You're really doing such a great job.

Most days you do the same thing over and over again with little variation to the schedule, maybe a different store or show to watch, but really its a lot of the same stuff.

This is where learning and  having a teachable spirit comes into play for me. God ultimatly affirms me, HE alone gives me my worth. HE sees all that I do, HE cares that  I am tired and just want to sleep a 3 hour stretch at night. HE laughs when I change that poopy diaper 3 times in 5 minutes. HE is thankful that I want to have a home cooked, hot meal on the table for my honey.

God is my sustainer, not Me.  I don't pull myself up and encourage myself enough to keep working at it. And if I do, I end up far more weary that  I ever needed to be. I think as a mom you realize that babies/kids rely on you so much, you may start to think you have to have do it all.

I have been memorizing scripture, trickled daily devotionals around my house (wherever I nurse) and worked at setting myself up to learn and really grasp that God has not only called me to motherhood but he will sustain me through it. ALL OF IT!  Me and Me dont work, Me and God do!


Here are some sleepy pics.

 Sleeping on a plane

 Sleeping in our bed!

 Sleeping while on a walk

Sleeping in the car