beautiful

As I reflect on my last 12 months I cant help but think about the 9 before that. I loved being pregnant. I loved that my body did what it needed to (gainging weight & growing sweet Roo). I never felt more pretty; my body was doing what it was designed to do.

For many women it can seem like you're always (at least me) trying to eat better, tone up, lose weight, get heathy. When I was pregnant I was not so focused on the losing part. I was excited to eat well and let my body do its magic. I felt so free. I was able to losen up and relax. I gained 30 lbs and while I marveled at the scale I was proud that I was able to accept and be excited for that gain. It was for such a great reason.

There are times I wish I was pregnant again so that I would have an excuse for a little tummy (not perfectly toned) or a few extra lbs (not to make excuses). A reason to not be so harsh. A littel breathing room. Pregnancy didnt give me a license to be mindless and neglectful of my body but a chance to accept how strong and good my body is. I never had that Taco Bell Amy wanted me to have!

I know its a never ending battle for some women, and it may always be a struggle for me. Hoping I can learn to accept the wonder I am.

first

This week I was blessed with a beautiful book on my doorstep. Blessings for Mothers.

I have had a few tougher weeks lately and a thoughtful, loving friend, knew what I needed.

More Jesus! Redirection.

I feel God has been nudging me to go deeper and really take it up a notch.

The enemy thinks I should take it down.

God knew I needed encouragment and a loving shove in the right direction this week.

I know many days it seems that seeking God is more work. More time. And I 'don't have much time' these days, I tell myself.

God reminds me that my time is His time, and if I dont choose Him to take up my 'first time' all else will be out of sync.

I have been more peaceful, more restful and much moer filled this week.

Make time for the good things. Give God your first fruits of time. All else will fall into place.

Yours

Easter Day

There are moments that are sobering for me as a wife & mother. Last night as I was washing dishes Chris shared about a friend we knew from college who just had their 20 week ultrasound. They found out during their appointment that their daughter has Anencephaly, her brain has not formed fulled. Chris shared a post they wrote about how they are already seeing their precious daughter change lives and bring joy. Even in the midst of such heart break & devastation.

I continued washing dishes. Praying.

As I washed,God clearly asked me some questions. ' Do you surrender to the life I have for Elaina? Do you give all her days to me; even if that is a few or  many? Even when you dont know the plans I have for her!?'

Playing with my chickens

I want in my deepest places to be part of the life God has called Elaina to. Even if we don't know what that looks like. Sickness, health, life, death, joy, pain, the list  goes on.

This family I know, is pressing into Jesus and allowing their daughters life to be what God wants it to be; even if that's only 9 months in the warmth of her mama's belly. They were told she would only survive a few hours once she was born. 

I have tears as I write this because I am so blessed, so honored, to have a healthy little girl. God has entrusted me and I think this may be the first time I have actually said out loud, and with my heart, Jesus she is yours.

May I continue to say this everyday.