Unknowns

After 12 years of working I am in my final stretch of being jobless; 3 weeks left!

I have been very emotional lately in regards to all the changes (and hormones).  I have always taken care of myself and provided for my needs until I got married. Even now that I am married I play a role in our families finances and even more so, I find value in the work I do.

When I think about what makes me sad, its not that I wont have a 'job' its that I wont be putting my energies into what I worked so hard for. Going to school at 24, paying for college and working full time though college. I have always had a job where I am caring for people and being part of their lives in very personal ways.I realize that as a mom I am still living out my passions of helping others and having relationships- it just looks different. I dont feel like I am giving up on my dreams I know I have accomplished them!

For me I am giving up another area of control. Trusting someone else to care for me 100% financially. And for me stepping into a whole new line of work, something I have never done before, or been trained to do.

I think this is how God wants it........

I know that God will guide and lead Chris and I as we discrene whether I am going to back to work in any capacity. I also believe that God will fill the areas that my job currently feeds with other things that He wants for me.  

All the unknowns are what scares me, I am not in control.

I feel very challenged to honor Chris and trust him as he cares for our family. I am also challenged to bless the coming season of unknowns, the wonderful, jouful, adventerous, sleepless nights of unknowns!  I may go back to work, to which capacity is the question we feel we cant answer until baby is here. We are trusting, and asking for prayer that God would guide us. We dont have to be lead by fear (me), or our own understanding of what "makes sense".

tick tock tick tock- 15 days to go!

Progress

20 weeks

I have always been a very growth oriented person. For me I like to see change, and be part of the process when it comes to transformation. Since marry my hubby I have learned that sometimes God has us right where we are and we don't have to go looking for things to pick over and scrutinize. This may be a double edged sword at times because there is the opposite side where laziness and apathy rest.

28 weeks

Pregnancy for me has been a great depiction of how God grows our lives; we must be active participants while also allowing God to do the work that only He can do, allowing Him to be the guide and listening to what he is calling us to act upon.


Since getting pregnant I understood that I needed to eat healthy and drink lots of water, if I am not so good one day by body has reserves to keep giving the baby nutriance. If I forget my prenatal vitamin God will use the food I eat to again sustain the baby. The list goes on and on. I can, and try to do everything healthy for my sweet baby girl. What I have learned is that no matter how proactive I am, with exercise, eating, guzzling water, and taking my vitamins this precious life is in Gods hands, and His design (for mom and baby) makes her grow. We were told that Baby Roo has a 2 vessel cord at 17 weeks and this scared me a lot. We were told she may have intrauterine growth retardation and could at some point stop growing as well in my belly. We was told there was nothing I could do to help her grow, not increasing calories, limiting exercise, or adding certain things to my lifestyle could help her gain weight. We have been very fortunate she has always been right on track and there have been no worries of her growth.

33 weeks pregnant

I'm praying that as I take on the new role of mother that I am gentle and understanding of my children's hearts and developmental stages when it comes to being growth oriented. I would never want to squelch the Spirits work in my kids and the process of growth that comes with growing up. Lots of prayer, belief in God's guidance over my life and enjoying the journey. 


Stay tuned for 'blueprints-having the end in sight'

Pillars

Pillars – a pile, a pillar, a kind or irregular column that support, sustains or upholds; that on which buildings, bridges, archways and some superstructure rests

Chris and I were challenged a few years back during a pre-marriage retreat weekend in Montrose, to pray and ask God what pillars he had for us in our marriage and life.

As Chris and I prayed we felt that adventure was a key pillar for us. I am not the adventurous one- where I was once a spit-fire child I had now become reserved and more cautious.

I knew that taking on this pillar would mean that I would learn to trust God in new ways & allow Chris to be my leader as we navigated our new marriage. Stepping out in faith in many areas of my life; finances, relationships, travel (flying) and growing our family, are just a few.

On August 1st I was given the opportunity to join Chris on a work trip to Paris, the trip was to take place on August 3rd (I only have 4 hours to decide whether I was going or not). I was reminded (in that 4 hours) that I had committed to ADVENTURE! At this point in my life I had flown over 20 times since Flight 1549, but never over seas. I contemplated going because I was so afraid of flying over water.
As I prayed, God opened my eyes and heart to trust that he had provided this trip, and this was a blessing from Him.

We boarded our plane! With smooth flights to DC, upgrades to business class to Paris and 10 days of glorious rest, sight seeing, wine, reading Unbroken and beautiful evenings in Paris with #1, I had been so glad and thankful that I had trusted God to care for me even in my fear.

There are many more areas that I will be challenged to trust God as I live this life. With the pillars we have put in place I am reminded of God's desire to be my light and guide. The pillars also remind me that I have a wonderful help-mate in Chris, to walk beside me through my fears as we live out God's design of marriage.