Glory.

Sleeping in mama's bed.

 

 

People told me before I had E that I would love her in ways I never knew love.

They were right.

E has awakened me and my spirit in new ways. I want to protect her and my family in ways before I brushed off. What kinds of television I watch, music I listen too, what I say when someone cuts me off (no cuss words), how I respond to Chris when I'm irritable sleep deprived.

I have been doing a bible study in John and learning about how much John loved Jesus. John wanted to 'lean into' Jesus at every chance he had. He wanted to be Jesus' bff!

I know that whether or not I like it ( at this moment I do!) that E will be leaning into me, she will be, in not so many words, my bff for many years to come. She will be watching me, learning from me and lord willing growing closer to Him bc of me and Chris.

Im not overwhelemed in the least.

Having a baby, a child, is more than just having 'your heart outside your body' its dying to your body and self in a whole new way.

I have posted previously that I am sleep deprived and up a lot. Well this week E has had a cold and raspy cough.  I am teary eyed thinking how uncomfortable she is and how tired I am. Her runny nose is pitiful, but she smiles through it all.

E will 'call' for me as she grows, she will 'call' for me to be an example; calling me to live out the life I am telling her she should choose (life with Jesus). E looks to me to learn about hope, about grace and peace. She may not be verbally call me now but I know that God is calling me to die to myself, in new ways, so she can know him one day!

I thought marriage was hard, parenthood takes you to a whole new level. Deeper. More transparent.

There is no hiding.

Halleluajh for GRACE!!!

Tonight I pray for all the mama's I know. That you would lean into Jesus. Let him be your stronghold, your energy when you are sleep deprived and your new mercy tomorrow morning, even if morning is 4:23am. Im praying for mothers who are navigating discipline and training with their littles ones. I know there are many more things to pray, God knows them all.

I need more Jesus. I always knew I needed more than I had yesterday, maybe I'm just listening more now.

More is at stake!

Glory is at stake!

Playing with my sweet Roo.